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Post by firespirit4 on Jul 11, 2009 20:47:27 GMT -5
NAME:Zazura NICKNAMES:Zura DESIRED Rank:Doesn't really matter AGE:year and a half LOOKS:A gray male with a white underside ELEMENT:Fire PERSONALITY:Intellegent, can be snappy but respectful EYES:Blue WINGS: Large Phoniex like wings (NO FIRE ON THEM) HISTORY:Unknown awoke on a beach with no memory OTHER INFO: Flying and Fire powers MATE:None right now PUPS:None right now Zodiac Sign:Unknown
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Post by Celestic on Jul 11, 2009 22:12:41 GMT -5
Well unfortunately this wolf cannot be approved yet. In order to have a character approved the profile must have a lot of content and must be in depth---if you'd like to reference go and look at other approved characters to see what your profile should look like. This is barely a skeleton profile lol. I wanna see more!
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Post by firespirit4 on Jul 11, 2009 22:52:41 GMT -5
Name :Zazura
Nicknames: Zura
Desired Rank: Somethig that allows him to use his knowledge of the world.
Age: Two years
Looks:A male black and red wolf with a bizzare scar on his right eye. He is a short haired wolf. His tail is a bit longer then some wolves. The tip of his tail is white. He has two giant red wings the look like a phoniexes.His wings have feathers like a birds but much larger. He usually keeps them folded in because he likes to be o the ground but will fly. He has red lines under his eyes. He belives they are richual tattoos from his old pack. His paws are a littl bit larger then hey are supposed to be. His eyes are a icey blue. He has a somewhat short muzzle. He has regular sized fang and knows how to use them. His ears have small tufts on the ends of them. On the back of his ears are red dots he also thinks are ritual markings. He has puffy fur which keeps him warm in snow and the winter. He is very muscular but still fast. He has long black claws that he wil sharpen on a rock. It also helps keep them trimmed so they don't mess up his running. His fur is as dark as the darkest night and the red in his fur resembles the color of a bright cherry or apple. His fur helps him camoflaude with is surrondings in the middle of the night helping him hunt alot better then some of the other wolves in the pack.
Element:Fire
Personality: Zazura is a quiet young wolf. He can be grumpy but doesn't want to be. He loves pups and being that young all thought he doesnt remeber his pup-hood. He is smart and intellegent. He is usually shy but once you get to know him he is nice and loving. He longs to learn everything he can.He consumes lessons as it were fresh kill. He can sometimes acts like a know it all but he knows he doesn't. He gets angry easy but can calm down just as easy. He is not the one to get jealous or obbseive over something not worth wasting energy on. His favorite fresh-kill is caribou. He likes to close his eyes and dream because in his dreams he talks to his mother and father. They usually help him with life lessons and when his mind is troubled. He tends to look just like his father. He hates liers and fakers. He thinks they area poor excuse of a wolf. He meditates and talkes to his totem animal a blue phoniex. He belives meditating calms his nerves and helps his hunting and fighting. He is a great hunter and enjots doin it.
Eyes: An icey shade of blue.
Power- Can create barriers and seals with red chakra. He can make them implode light on fire and vanish.
Wings: Yes resembles a phoniex's like his totem animal.
History:Zazura lived in a pack with his father and mother who were the alpha pair. He was really privilaged as a pup. He had two brothers and a sister. He loved them very much. The always use to play in a grassy medow outside of the nursing den. When he was Three months old one of his brothers Dayden was killed by a large grizzely. It all happened when the littermates went exploring out in the forest when the pack went hunting and there mother was asleep. They got about forty feet into the forest way out of sight of anyone when a grizzley stumbled in and attacked them. Four of the pups had gotten saftley into a hole before the bear had reached them but it was to late for Dayden because the big male grizzley was hungrey from hibernating all winter. Luckily for the rest of the pups their father was on their way back with fresh kill when they encountered the bear. His father and the pack killed the bear and buried so to not attract any fox or ravens. Dayden was barely alive when we got back to camp but then died. His mother sank into a depression and wouldn't eat or drink anything. She just stayed in the den. When Zazura nad his two brothers and sister were around a year old and there mother was finally over the death of her first born pup a terrible disease began to take over his pack. One by one older and sick wolves began to regain strength but seemed dumber. They would be unresponsive and start foaming at the mouth. His mother called it "Rabies". She also said it was from eating infected prey. His father began to bring less and less fresh kill home for the pack. His mother and father always smelled like blood and the sick wolves began to disappear. Slowly his mother began to act like some of the sick wolves. She woud never awnser his questions or talk to him at all. One day his father and mother went out hunting and she didn't come back. His father began teaching them to hunt. On their first real hunt their father was stalking a cow and ran after it. Trees were around them when he finally jumped on it. He was thrown off and his back was broken on a tree. He died instantly. Rabies later consumed the rest of his sibilings and he was forced to kill them but not get infected. He ran away from his old home and blacked out from hunger. He later awoke some where he didn't know. He didn't rember anything. Know he sees images and smells things from his past.
Other Info: Talks to his Mother, Father, and his totem animal to relax himself. Rarely he talks to his littermates. He can congure up fire.
Mate: None right now but wants a smart and strong female
Pups: None right now but wants some.
Zodiac Sign:Peicies Born on Febuary 20th
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Post by Celestic on Jul 12, 2009 0:55:16 GMT -5
It's a bit better, but it still needs a lot more meat to it. I'm not trying to be harsh or anything, we just have a high standard here regarding profile construction and it allows us to know more about an individuals characters to that we can utilize detail better in the role plays.
And instead of posting a new post with a completely new version of the profile, you can just edit your first post in this thread---it'll make it a lot easier on you.
Now in regard to what else we need int he profile, you need a lot more detail in his: Looks, Personality and history. Even though this wolf woke up on a beach with no memory whatsoever, there has to be some sort of thing he remembers...images? Sensations? Noises? Broaden your imagination and see the different facets of this cool wolf that you are wanting to enhance!
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Post by firespirit4 on Jul 12, 2009 10:02:05 GMT -5
Thanks and your not being harsh at all.
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Post by Celestic on Jul 12, 2009 20:34:54 GMT -5
You are welcome.
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Post by firespirit4 on Jul 12, 2009 22:37:08 GMT -5
So I just wait
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Post by Imaginatio on Jul 13, 2009 17:59:13 GMT -5
Celestic is right, this is a good start but a little more detail is needed. For example, in his Looks, I would wonder immediately;
Is his fur short or long? Is he fully grey or is it a greyish hue with some spots of white? Does he have a long or a short muzzle? Any extra appendages, the scar is a nice touch but perhaps a little more detail, such as the fact that his right eye squints a little more due to the scar.
Looks are there to give everyone else a clear and detailed image of your wolf in our heads, which makes it easier for us to describe your wolf when roleplaying with them. It also gives an insight into the type of wolf they are, or perhaps how they hold themselves, for example if their head is high, they are proud.
Celestic also has a point about his memory, but it would be nice to add a little history; even though Zazura has no recollection of his past, writing it down allows other roleplayers to think about plot-lines for the role play; for example helping Zazura get his memories back by taking him to a place in his past. Although the wolf character does not know it is from his past, The members controlling the characters will know more about your wolf by having read their bio.
But this Bio has the potential to be great, we just need a little more meat on the bones. We have the muscle and veins, now we need to add some fat (to be totally gross with a science metaphor hehe)
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Post by firespirit4 on Jul 13, 2009 20:16:04 GMT -5
Thanks
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Post by Celestic on Jul 13, 2009 20:47:13 GMT -5
Mkay, much better. I shall move this to the approved section.
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Post by firespirit4 on Jul 13, 2009 21:13:54 GMT -5
Thank you
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Post by Celestic on Jul 14, 2009 14:14:38 GMT -5
Okay I know this is really going to suck, but we just changed the Aelyn requirements in profiles as a joint effort by the staff. The Personality has to be at minimum - 200 words The Looks has to be at minimum - 250 words The History has to be at minimum - 400 words. We would appreciate if you could adjust your profile as such, the staff did theirs last night. Thank you! ~Celestic
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Post by firespirit4 on Jul 14, 2009 17:02:57 GMT -5
Yea I just fixed it!
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Post by - [s][w][a][y] - on Jul 14, 2009 18:02:56 GMT -5
Thanks a ton for being so understanding! Good job!
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Post by firespirit4 on Jul 14, 2009 18:16:54 GMT -5
No problem.
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Post by Celestic on Jul 14, 2009 20:23:59 GMT -5
Very wonderful job!
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Post by firespirit4 on Jul 14, 2009 21:32:46 GMT -5
Thanks
The history I think was the easiest.
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